College is all about meeting people you never knew to learn about things you don’t want to know. Over the semesters, you learn to love them, hate them, despise them, and see them get drunk and do stupid things. When you grow up and look back at your class (to see how many of them you outlived, rather than for any nostalgic reasons), you realize that the different groups that your peers made mirrored some of the organisations present in the world today. Here are the different organisations you'll probably find in college right now:
OPEC: The world runs on oil and college runs on proxies. It's no surprise that everyone tries to like these people. You barely smile at them when you pass them in the corridors, but just after you decide to skip class, they are suddenly your good friends. Did I write good friends? They're your best friends. They must beware, however, flooding the market may make the regulators wary.
Doctors without borders: You thought you would take notes this semester. It’s the night before the exam and you are not even sure you know who teaches you the subject. You feel like Syria reeling from a civil war, Ethiopia facing an insane drought and Venezuela being, well, Venezuela. These guys provide the aid in that hour of dark despair. You see them copiously taking notes, participating, not sleeping. They use WhatsApp as a channel to send everyone much needed first-aid.
Commonwealth of Nations: Former students who “made it” in college. It seems like they have all the right connections. You curse yourself sometimes - how do these guys know everyone? How do they seem to be everywhere? Maybe you should have gone to more of those parties and been more interested in college in general. Socialized. You know you could be better than some of these folk. You say it to them in your dreams and they pick the most Lebowski-ish reply “That’s like, your opinion man”.
International Renewable Energy Agency: You make the New year’s resolution, they do it for you. Hit the gym? While you are still deciding if it is worth it to get up at 7:00 AM, they have been doing cardio since before you were born. While you are wondering if you should make the library card two days before the exam, these guys have established a secret lair below the library and have moved from company law to black magic. Probably. Who knows what they do?
Universal Postal Union: You still don’t know who they are. Turns out you both share a class. You once asked them where they live, you still have to get that answer. They never seem to be in class long enough for you to register them. They might have died in their apartment, you think. They disprove that hypothesis by coming to attend the occasional class.
United Nations Educational Scientific and Cultural Organisation: There are some people who seem to take offence whenever you tell them you like to read Chetan Bhagat. These snobbish folk seem to think that everyone is an idiot and not worth their time. They try to out debate you at every point rather than outsmart you. So what if you don’t know the difference between modern and abstract paintings, haven’t heard Beethoven's Third Symphony or read the works of Jane Austen? At least people don’t avoid you when they see you coming to them.
Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA): They like to talk about that time they worked for the UN or helped poor children in Dharavi. Every time they meet you, they talk to you only to tell you about that new internship they are doing or that competition where they came first. They keep correcting you every time you don’t eat up half the words of that French-sounding dish just because they have been to Algiers once. Their LinkedIn profiles are their tools of self-worship with the list of skills, interests and qualifications being quite formidable. That is if knowing Microsoft Word, Excel and PowerPoint is a skill.
This is not an exhaustive list. However, I am exhausted. Do send this to any of your friends who may be a part of one of these organizations.
Or don't. Whatever.
Written by Aditya G.K.