It was November 3rd 2021. It had officially been 1084 days since Harold had a conversation with a real woman. He had never felt more lonely and desperate in his entire life.
He even made a Tinder account but had got no matches. Perhaps uploading his actual photograph wasn’t the best idea. ”Maybe if I pretend to be a supermodel, I’ll actually get some responses.” Harold thought to himself.
“You know what? I’m going to do it. All women look for is materialistic beauty. It’s not like every person on Tinder actually looks like their profile picture. Hell, if you remove the makeup of a couple of the women on this app, they would look like different people too! ”
And lo and behold, Harold actually got a match for the first time in his life. The woman appeared to be quite beautiful as well, which is all Harold cared about.
6:30 PM: Nee: Hey
6:30 PM: Harold: Hey
6:30 PM: Harold: You make a man wanna get down on one Nee
6:32 PM: Nee: I know this will sound upfront but do you want to meet at Cafe LeBlanc tomorrow at 8?
6:33 PM: Harold: That was pretty quick. But Sure.
6:33 PM: Nee: It's a date then!
6:33 PM: Harold: Cool!
6:33 PM: Harold: So what did you think about my pun?
11:57 PM: Harold: Hello?
And so, Harold began preparations for his first date. He got a tailor-made suit, picked up a bouquet of roses, and showered for the first time in 2 months.
“I can't believe my son is going on his first date! And to think that I had almost given up hope on you!” said Harold’s mom while ironing his pants.
“Do you also want me to comb your hair?” she asked.
“Do you think I’m a child? I can take care of myself.” retorted Harold.
And so Harold took his monthly share of pocket money from his mother and arrived for his date at 8 pm sharp. Although he wasn't quite ready for what came next.
“Hey dude, I’m looking for a girl named Nee. Do you know where she is?” Harold asked one of the customers in the cafe.
“Wait, you're Harold?’’ asked the man.
‘’Yeah, how do you know that? Wait, are you Nee?’’ exclaimed Harold.
“Yeah. My actual name is Dennis.” said the man sheepishly.
“I can’t believe this! Don’t you realise how absolutely pathetic it is to pretend to be someone else just to land a date?’’ exclaimed Harold.
“Didn’t you do the same thing?’’ said Dennis.
Harold had no response.
“Well, since we’re here, we might as well just have a meal,” Dennis proposed.
“Sure. But don’t expect anything else to happen,” said Harold.
And so both men sat down and began looking at the menu.
“And what will you two fine gentlemen be having this evening?” asked the waiter.
“I’ll have a large coke, a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, and a hamburger,'' said both men at the same time.
“Woah, that’s quite the coincidence,” remarked the waiter.
“I wouldn’t make much of it,’’ said Harold.
Over the course of the meal, Harold realised that he had much more in common with Dennis than he previously thought.
“What most people don’t realise is that I could totally get into a relationship if I wanted, I’m just occupied with other stuff,’’ said Dennis.
“Exactly! I am constantly getting hit on by chicks, but you just can’t trust them. What if they just want me for my looks?” replied Harold.
“You completely get me, dude,” said Dennis.
The two exchanged phone numbers before departing.
Harold couldn’t sleep the entire night after the date. He couldn’t stop thinking about Dennis. “I can’t believe I actually feel this way about a man! He’s like the perfect partner!’’ Harold thought to himself while texting Dennis.
“Do you want to meet again for an actual date?” texted Dennis.
“Sure,’’ replied Harold.
And thus began Harold and Dennis’ relationship. Dennis has actually had a pretty positive impact on Harold’s life. Since they started dating, Harold has started bathing semi-regularly, has stopped being frustrated at women, and even moved out of his mother’s basement and into Dennis’ apartment.